


Superluminal

by floorplan91



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/F, Human Disaster Alex Danvers, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 20:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8416309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floorplan91/pseuds/floorplan91
Summary: After defeating Non in a fierce battle, Kara’s powers had dried out once more, leaving the usually perky alien terribly frustrated. That sulking won’t do if Alex can help it.  Starting as a joke, she had offered to get her drunk, but Kara had immediately jumped at the rare opportunity presented, daring Alex not to shy away.“C’mon, you’re no fun!”And Alex still doesn’t know why she got so defensive, she knew Kara was just teasing. Her mind interpreted it as a slighting on her part, though. So, really, backing off was never an option.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have to admit I'm not sure when or if I'll continue this story, but I was convinced to share the first chapter anyway, it can be read as a stand alone.
> 
> super + luminal  
>  _adjective_  
>  (physics, astronomy, science fiction) of or relating to a speed or velocity exceeding the speed of light
> 
> Also inspired by the Sofa Surfers's [song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gs_p9ruSoQ)
> 
> _Happiness with a sorrow sting at its tail,_  
>  _Superluminal._  
>  _We live and breathe those damned cliches_  
>  _And your lioness heart_  
>  _So huge I'll never touch the sides._

Everyone deserves a shelter, it just shouldn’t be inside of someone else. It’s not proper, it’s not _safe._

\--

If there’s one thing Alex is, it’s stubborn. And she never backs down from a challenge. 

Figures it’d blow up in her face.

After defeating Non in a fierce battle, Kara’s powers had dried out once more, leaving the usually perky alien terribly frustrated. That sulking won’t do if Alex can help it. After all, Alex’s world needs its sun and Kara’s smiles are always the best kind of blinding.

Starting as a joke, she had offered to get her drunk, but Kara had immediately jumped at the rare opportunity presented, daring Alex not to shy away.

“C’mon, you’re no fun!”

And Alex still doesn’t know why she got so defensive, she knew Kara was just teasing. Her mind interpreted it as a slighting on her part, though.

So, really, backing off was never an option.

\--

Kara suggested Noonan’s, but Alex had quickly dismissed the idea. So here they find themselves at a new pub downtown, setting different from their usual - almost chic, yet comfortable and cozy. Alex has been wanting to check this bar for a while, never quite finding the right chance before. Dim lights, chill music, no one knows them here, and it is somehow important.

“I’m a little nervous,” Kara admits with a bashful smile, still curious yet anxious at the new experience.

"Obviously.” Alex bumps her shoulder against Kara’s. “But I seriously doubt vibrating like an energized puppy is gonna help you unwind. Trust me.”

At first they just sip on a shared pale beer, light smaller one for Kara’s sake, still unsure on what to drink.

“Please remember, if you feel funny, if the room starts spinning or any other weirdness is going on, _tell_ me. I’m serious, Kara. You are practically an abstinent, lightweight doesn’t even cut it.”

Kara nods earnestly, reaching out to grasp her hand. “I trust you and I swear to be good. Now…” A coy smile plays across her lips, “What would you advise me to be initiated with?”

And probably it’s a bad idea—the worst—but Alex can’t deny that the prospect of drinking with Kara sounds fun, _really_ fun. She honestly enjoys the taste of alcohol, and drinking is extremely appealing since it’s a legal, relatively inexpensive, and easy way to trigger nice feelings. She’s more than aware of her past experiences with partying at college, not exactly positive memories – pulsing at the back of her head, to remind her of her failures – but the fashion in which alcohol affects the endorphin system can still be quite tempting. These days, between her long work shifts and responsibilities, Alex hardly drinks anything but wine or beer, but after certain stressful missions she allows herself some whiskey before bed. The goal tonight is just to have harmless fun, knowing how to pace themselves and stop if needed. She simply wants Kara to relax, maybe show off a bit of her knowledge when it comes to cocktails.

So Alex gets Kara a nice strawberry daiquiri, sure she will like it for its sweetness, and a glass of bourbon and water for herself. At first Kara is hesitant, sniffing the drink with furrowed brows, but as soon as the liquid touches her tongue she smiles. _Cheers._ They chat idly for minutes, the background murmurs unbothersome. Alex doesn’t ask about James, or why Kara is here instead – she’d heard he got back together with Lucy, and that must hurt. Protective as ever, she promises herself to get Kara’s mind off from that romantic mess.

She’s not a big fan of vodka and soda, but still buys one to give her sister the whole experience, together with rum and coke, and a bottle of water to stay hydrated. Kara declares them both boring of all things, and between laughter Alex goes to choose something different. 

“Do you want to start a tab?” the bartender probes, a knowing mischief in his dark eyes.

“Sure. Give me a cosmo and a margarita.”

She ignores his smirk, no matter how friendly it seems, and heads back to her booth. Kara is forlornly looking at her phone. “Nothing of that tonight,” she chides, pushing the device away and settling the red colored cocktail in front of her.

Kara is enthusiastic at the taste, but still sips some of Alex’s margarita as well, to try different things out of curiosity. “Bitter,” she pouts in retaliation.

By the time she’s done with her cosmopolitan, though, Kara’s head is pleasantly fuzzy, an odd numbing sensation spreading through her body. “Uh, it’s working.”

“What?”

“Alcohol, I feel different!” 

Somehow Kara is excited at the change, a huge grin brightening her appearance, as she bounces in her seat. “This is awesome! I-I feel warmer than usual, and yet in some way slow and, and—” she trails off, giggling at Alex’s expression. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t know it felt like that. No wonder you love your drinks so much.”

“Ouch, Kara. Way to make me sound like an alcoholic.” Which Alex kind of was, years ago, crossing the line more often than not, but that’s not the point. She’s sure there _is_ a point she should be making here, but Kara’s joyful mood is rather distracting. No surprise.

Alex can hold her alcohol well and is pushing past tipsy now, but she’s too responsible to go on a bender when Kara is still inexperienced. Or so she thinks.

“Okay that’s it for tonight. I’m going to order a juice for you.”

“Noooo,” Kara whines, enunciating the vocals in a loud whisper. “I’m fine!” She wriggles her hands around to prove her point, and Alex bursts into laughter at the goofy display.

“Alright space girl, just something easy then.”

True to her words, Alex returns with a simple bellini and small cups of nuts and olives. They eat and share the last flute cuddled up together. At the umpteenth try of Kara to uselessly catch the green fruits in her mouth, Alex explodes. Maybe she’s not as lucid as she believes.

“Stop!” With unusual force she manhandles Kara, so that she’s straddling her instead of being turned toward the table. “No more. I wanna eat the rest, thank you very much.”

Kara tries to glare, but fails spectacularly as she can’t even stay mad. She ends up giggling into Alex’s neck, hugging her with floppy arms. “Sorry…”

The feeling of contentment and being a tad more uninhibited than typical is heady. She stays there for a while, inhaling her sister’s unique scent mixed with leather and something flowery. Quite the nice combination.

“You smell good,” she croons softly, pecking the long neck too close to her mouth not to.

“Oh… ugh, stop it.” But Alex just laughs, pushing her away good naturedly, despite the flushed cheeks. She tells herself is merely the alcohol. “It’s getting late.”

When they finally stand on their feet, Kara is wobbly and unbalanced. Alex is fast to reach out with her hands to steady her. “Woo, slow down you.”

She’s glad she opted out of wearing heels, as she carries nearly all Kara’s weight to the bar counter. With the blonde draped on her side with no intent of moving, Alex’s hands shake in effort to try to gather her wallet.

“Going already?” the bartender says, a teasing tone in his words. He keeps polishing glasses without looking up.

Alex frowns, glancing at her watch in confusion—one in the morning is not exactly early. “Uh yeah?”

The man’s eyes travel to Kara, his lips twitching. “Let me guess, just turned 21?”

“What?!” Kara sputters, lavishly offended. “I’ll have you know I’m 24, turning 25 actually, and and I—”

“Check please?” Alex states in a steely voice. She may have trouble focusing on things, but her protective streak is still strong as ever. She has showed the guy Kara’s ID anyway.

“What’s the rush? Bet she didn’t try everything.”

 _Okay_ , Alex knows this type of bartenders, thinking they are charming in their teasing. He’s staring her down in what he’s sure is a sexy manner. Why do they even flirt when you are clearly not interested?

Sigh.  
She’s about to reproach his blatant attempt, when Kara cuts in, “Yes! I wanna try them all.”

“It’s impossible to literally try everything. Even slipping into an alcoholic coma won’t make you an expert of all cocktails around.”

“C’mon Aleeeex!”

“Yeah, come on _Alex_ …” the bartender echoes in barely hidden amusement. “The first round is free.”

“Yay!” Kara claps her hands impatiently, playful beyond reason. “You’re so nice.”

Alex scoffs at this; her little sister ever the naïve one. The guy is unashamedly flirting, hoping to score one, no matter who, and on top of that he’s going to get more cash. It’s a win-win situation. Kara doesn’t get it or seem to mind, as she reads over the pub menu.

She is excited at doing human things, things she must have missed out in college, Alex gets it, so she can’t be too hard – she’s never been able to deny Kara anything. She, however, decides it’s better to step in before it gets too out of hand. “No, let’s get shots.” In her head it makes sense, at least they are smaller.

“Oooh, I never did shooters. Alright!”

Alex turns her blazing eyes to the man, daring him to disagree. “Make her a cool colada, more pineapple juice than alcohol.”

“Coming. What about you?

“Honey whiskey.”

He winks at her choice, pouring Kara’s shot first. “Here you go pretty.”

Slowly, Kara brings the drink up to her lips and inhales, humming happily at the coconut scent, before looking expectant at Alex. “Together.”

The older woman nods with a little smile, affection running in her veins at the sight. “Shots are not meant to be sipped, and prolonging it can only cause the liquor to go down the wrong pipe,” she instructs, raising her glass. Kara looks so damn serious it’s cute. “Chin chin,” she toasts cheekily and downs her whiskey whole in one gulp.

Kara closes her eyes for a moment, reopens them and throws back her shot all committed, slamming it forcefully onto the table a couple of seconds after – it would have done some severe damage if her powers were charged as normal. The quick burn isn’t something she is used to, but she welcomes it.

“Alex!” she gasps, half shocked half delighted, tilting her head to the left to meet the hazel gaze of her sister, finding an alluring grin to greet her.

“Hi, you okay?”

“Hmm yep,” Kara mumbles, but it’s clear she’s reached her limits, turning point so close. Her hands indeed fumble when she scoots closer to touch Alex’s arm.

“Drink a glass of water, it helps. I’ll be right back.”

Alex refuses to admit she’s stumbling, until she reaches the restroom and she realizes she can’t focus on the mirror as easily as she’d like. _Fuck._

When she returns, Kara has her elbows on the counter, face close to the jerk, who knows why. Alcohol has reddened her cheeks, hair now flat on her heating face. Alex curses her bathroom urge, rushing to them with an annoying burning in her stomach that has nothing to do with the hours-long drinking.

“Here you are, we were just talking about you.”

Right.

“Mike said we have to try the tequila shots. Are they good?”

“Mike?” Alex raises one fine eyebrow, turning to said bartender with a questioning grimace masked as a smile. It’s two against one, it’s hard, and Kara tugs at her hand, interlacing their fingers together and pouting exaggeratedly when she notices Alex’s resistance faltering. At last, Alex’s resolve slips and she acquiesces with a soft exhale. “Last one.”

Mike nods at the salt shaker and places two greenish slices in front of them. “What is going on?” Kara asks confused, speech slurred ever so slightly.

At this Alex laughs, glad when Mike is called over away from them. “Watch and learn.”

She licks a dash of salt off her moistened hand, eyes locked with wide blue ones. Then she lifts the shot to her lips, knowing deep down it should – but won’t – be her last, and drinks it with practiced ease, wincing just a little at the taste. She’s spent way too many occasions doing tequila shots in college to be uncomfortable. She sucks on the lime to dampen the burning in her throat, turning victorious to an openmouthed Kara.

“What?”

“Uh, that seemed… um, difficult.”

With the music shifting into something louder and electronic and blood and alcohol pounding loud enough to drown out any reason, Alex only shakes her head, responsibilities be damned.

“I can assure you,” she drawls in a low tone, leaning over the bar top, “that it’s quite easy once you try it. Do it, fast, I want to go dancing.”

Her eyes sparkle and Kara finds herself breathless all of sudden, the little display turning her into disarray. “I ah, I’m not as sexy as you, I’ll look silly licking my hand.”

If the wording of the protest surprises Alex, she doesn’t show it. “Just go, I’ll be fine, learning this tequila trick and all.”

Alex snorts, “It’s not a trick, Kara.” She grows serious. “You sure?”

“Yes, go!”

Alex shrugs as if to say ‘suit yourself’, and leaves her black jacket on the stool, before making her way to the small dancefloor. Not many people are dancing, but it doesn’t matter. Kara stares at the defined trapezius and deltoid muscles flexing under the sheer shirt, highlighted by the bar lightings – well, if Kara wishes she had her supervision at the moment, no one is going to know anyway. Alex’s movements are slow but unmeasured, almost like she’s dancing to a beat all of her own, trapped in her head only. Parched mouth, Kara drowns her tequila shot like a madwoman and—no, _Rao_ , her eyes water unexpectedly at the raw taste left in its wake. Her throat feels on fire! She coughs and gulps two plastic cups of water in no time, dragging herself in faltering steps toward her sister.

Kara is not a great dancer by any mean, more on the klutz side than great coordination, and without her powers and copious of alcohol running in her blood system things aren’t exactly in her favor. Something pushes her to keep going though, until she’s standing close _closer_ to Alex, enthralled by the way her hip sways against the song beat. She places clammy hands on her waist, watching the agent lean down, her back to Kara’s chest.

“So, I don’t know if I like tequila shots…”

“Oh hey, it’s you.”

For a moment Kara is offended, then she bursts into incredulous laughter. “Who else would it be?!” Her shoulders shake in an effort to quiet down. “You’d let anybody touch you like this?” Something flares within her. She tightens her hold on Alex’s hips.

But Alex just shrugs, matter of factly. “Alcohol makes people do weirder things, Kara. I get flirty.”

For some reason that makes Kara shiver, skin pulsing in anticipation… of what? In her hazy headspace she does notice the growing desire to touch, get closer to bodies, but it’s not a conscious decision. She’s just following her instincts, and it feels good to just go with the flow for once without questioning things.

She doesn’t have to be in control, of herself, how she acts, of her strength. For a moment she’s reminded of what it felt like to be under the Red Kryptonite influence. She smiles beatifically and nuzzles Alex’s neck, happy to just be.

So yeah, the room has decidedly started to spin. She keeps her eyes closed, the loudness of the bar getting to her head a little bit now. She wishes she could still hear her sister’s heartbeat clearly, it has always helped her relax. Alex turns in her arms, lazy smirk gracing her face. Kara holds her breath. Not really a kiss, perhaps an accident, but it feels like a deliberate brush of skin, nose sliding up to Kara’s cheek and then jawline as Alex pulls away. Kara watches her dumbly as she backs over to the counter, paying for another shot.

She follows a moment too late, and Alex has already gathered all her things. “Booked a cab.”

Good. The crowd is starting to thin out when the taxi arrives, and they hobble out together with tangled fingers.

“Are… are we…” Kara wants to ask if they have arrived to a point of obnoxious drunkenness, because she’s read it can be bothersome, but she gets distracted by the way the car bumps along the road.

It doesn’t really matter.

She feels drowsy, and the warmth from Alex’s body is enticing. She’s shaken awake by her sister after seemingly only a minute later.

“We’re home, Kara.”

It’s hard to separate from the comfort of Alex’s side, and the walk to her apartment has never felt so long. Kara grumbles under her breath, making Alex giggle so beautifully. She smiles at the reaction, pure delight spreading to her limbs. She feels at ease, peaceful, but mostly free. The silly thrill of having finally drunk is refreshing too. She suddenly feels recharged, sleep forgotten.

As Alex goes fetching something to eat, Kara jumps on the coach, turning the TV on. The room is still in the darkness, but no one comments. 

Kara’s fridge is always jam-packed with food and sweets, and Alex returns with ice cream and soft drinks. “Yes, give me.” Kara all but crawls over her sister’s lap to steal the ice cream tub. It’s cherry with fudge flakes.

Alex knows it’d be better to eat something healthier, recover some vitamins lost in the previous hours, but it’s hard to care with an overexcited girl on her lap who keeps twisting and bouncing, throwing the ice cream lid away on the floor.

“Kara!” Alex shakes with laughter, content to just watch her foster sister devour the sweet treat spoon after spoon.

So it seems the _super_ hunger is part of Kara regardless, power or no power. It’s a cute sight. Alex brings her hands around Kara’s lower back, palms the warm skin under the sweater she’s wearing.

“Will you please, please just leave me some?” Her exasperate tone is more for show; pouting Kara something too endearing to skip.

But Kara is not pouting now, there’s a smirk on her flushed face instead as she moves closer, holding out the spoon for Alex. The older woman reaches out to take it, but Kara retracts, apparently not keen on releasing the cutlery. Alex huffs playfully, rolling her eyes at her sister’s antic, before leaning down, mouth slightly open for the offering bite.

Kara’s grin widens impossibly, and once satisfied she pulls the spoon back, watching Alex’s lips with a fierce intensity. They are glistening in the dimly lit room, the TV screen helping Kara see the reddish shine put there. It’s all she can focus on, alcohol blurring the rest – insignificant. Driven by an impish urge, she raises the utensil again, only to trail it across Alex’s unsuspecting cheek. The remnant of the ice cream sticks, painting the skin pink.

Kara laughs unaffected, biting her lower lip when Alex shrieks unintelligently at her, arms waving. She’s drunk and she doesn’t care. She grips the agent’s shoulders for stability, but as Alex tries to chide her, she cuts any word off by licking down a path on Alex’s cheek. _Mmh._ So sweet.

“Oh…” Alex breaths, stumped.

Kara’s stomach rolls, but it’s not unpleasant. She doesn’t know why she’s just done that, and she opts for a smile. It’s a shy one, now. Alex shifts, but her eyes are locked on Kara’s. She’s still touching her shoulders as they stare at one another. It seems endless, the moment dragging on and on. Maybe Alex is just imagining it, but there’s a strange feeling of expectation in the air.

She shakes her head, trying to clear the softness out of her thoughts. It's been a while. Her movements are still sluggish. She smiles back, a tad more hesitant, cheek still wet.

The staring is broken when a familiar tune greets them from the television. Kara gasps, jumping on her feet. “Alex,” she says, “it’s our song!”

The title escapes Alex’s memory, and it certainly is not _their_ song, just something out of the 90s, r’n’b but popish enough to dance to. Alex recalls how fast Kara had taken to earth music, hours glues to the TV and radio listening to the mainstream hits, trying to absorb everything. They were nice years despite all, Tamagotchi and neon friendship bracelets, teaching traditions and costumes, dreams and secrets whispered between sheets till late at night. The newness of it all. The tight-binding bond growing.

Alex has been Kara’s first friend, her best friend, her _only_ friend really, for years. She takes her sister’s hand, giddy all of sudden. They twirl and hop, not exactly graceful, but it’s okay—they are happy, laughing together, rocking closer, hips clashing, stumbling feet. It’s different from the brief dance shared at the pub earlier.

It’s better.

Between past memories and new experience, they have carved themselves a peculiar little sliver of paradise. There, grinning stupidly at each other, it feels perfect. Alex has succeeded in making Kara forget about her troubles, and albeit she doesn’t remember now how this idea started, the night has been a total winner. Neither of them shows much inclination for it to end, even though it’s getting pretty late. Their hands manage to find each other, fingers threaded lazily, as they keep on swaying.

Alex seldom feels this comfortable around other people. She may be perceived as closed off, distant – she knows she’s been called worse by her exes – but most forms of intimacy take an effort. She’s rarely found somebody as special as Kara to earn it. And well, Kara is a tactile person – always been, as soon as she overcame her fear of hurting others and learned how to control her strength – but nothing comes close to the feeling in her chest when Alex is within arm’s reach. 

Everything draws them near.

The song stops, but they don’t, moving and feeling the quiet electricity in the space between them. It is silly, except it’s not. Kara rolls her head on Alex’s shoulder, and lets out a contented sigh. Whatever happens to the body under the influence is hitting her full throttle, and feeling Alex’s skin seems so much more important than anything else. She rubs her cheek against her sister’s, soft and nice.

“Alex…” she whispers, a need burning between her ribs.

“Mmh?”

“I love you.”

Alex chuckles, cups Kara’s face like she’s cradling something precious. Kara’s hands move accordingly, finding a natural fit around the curve of her trim waist. Their feet slow. “And I love you.”

“It was written in the stars, I believe.”

And if Kara’s voice is slightly slurred, it doesn’t matter. She needs to say this.

“Written in the stars?”

“Yeah. It has to be.” She leans down as if to share a secret. “The… the universe conspired so that we could meet. So that we could be here together, in this exact moment.”

Her breath is courage laced with alcohol. She watches Alex blink, touched by the unforeseen sentimentalism. “You are my home, and… you’re so beautiful. Do you know you’re so beautiful?” 

A hand suddenly raises and brushes over Alex’s lips, parting them gently. Alex stares, tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She knows she can’t just not respond, but this is taking an odder turn. She swallows, Kara’s fingertips moving along with her.

If it were anybody else, Alex would have closed the distance between them by now, maybe sucked the little fingers in. But— _wow._ She has clearly reached her limit. The pleasant warmth from before has quickly become a dark fuzzy kind of absurdity, making her heart thump wildly. The more silent she stays, the more Kara appears even prettier than before, making her ache with everything unnamed.

It’s weird and dangerous, but not unfamiliar. Alex feels a sense of vertigo, and it’s not just because they’ve drunk so much.

She nods uselessly, tearing her gaze away. She steps out from Kara’s arms, muttering, “It’s late. We should go to sleep. I’ll clean up. You… you go.”

Her voice sounds much too loud. She cringes at Kara’s downtrodden expression, but turns away nevertheless.

“What? No.”

Kara reaches for Alex’s left wrist, but her sister is brusque at once. Too fast. She tugs, making Kara trip over her own feet. 

Holy Rao, the room is very spin…y. Hands to her throbbing head, she feels Alex worrying next to her, gripping her elbows.

“Shit, Kara, I’m sorry. Are… are you okay?”

“I’m— _please_ , Alex.” She stumbles against Alex’s chest, eyes searching hazel ones desperately. “Don’t go. Don’t go.”

Alex has no adequate defense against the pleading in Kara’s voice, her earnest face, her touch. She nods an okay, resigned, walking them back to the couch, shutting the TV off.

It’s dark now, a feeble moonlight casting deep shadows from the window, and it takes a while for her eyes to adjust. But Kara’s eyes burn and burn through her. In the back of her head Alex knows she should put a stop to this, but when Kara glances down to her lips it feels like her veins are pure paraffin, and the surprisingly alluring alien has just tossed over a flaming match.

It’s inevitable. When their mouths touch, join a little too roughly, it’s far from perfect. Kara barely manages to avoid scraping Alex with her teeth, but Alex groans all the same. Kara’s unexpected laughter, caught in the back of her throat, warms her. They break apart, and Kara draws her breath softly. She’s smiling though, and it’s so beautiful, so trusting that for a moment Alex wants to rip it to pieces.

She kisses her again, and Kara opens her mouth, and it’s wet and warm and exactly what Alex wants. It’s still jarring but offset now by how much her head spins. The world has been titled sideways, revealing a treacherous truth hidden in plain sight. It’s somewhat sobering.

Kara’s eyes stay closed, but Alex’s are open wide. Bliss flows, and it feels natural. It really shouldn’t be this simple, but it is. Giving pleasure and receiving it back. 

“Have you ever…?” Alex whispers, immediately feeling stupid for asking.

Livewire may have blathered about Supergirl being a frigid lesbian, but she knows Kara has never kissed another girl, she would have told her—Kara tells her most things, likes talking about these things even.

Kara whimpers in return, because she’s never heard a more intoxicating sound than her sister’s voice now, so husky and affected. _By her._ She’s way past caring. She stands on wobbly feet, determined. “Bed.”

Anxiety takes root in Alex’s chest, it blossoms and blossoms. She feels the need to rush and drink some more, erase doubts, but Kara is taking her by the hand, dragging her toward the nearby bedroom. The heat between their palms collect, and they do stop a couple of times on their ways to kiss some more. It’s maddening how good and easy it is.

They fall together, bed soft, Kara’s arms tightening to pull Alex to straddle her, squeezing hard even without any power, until they are flush closer. Alex tenses, but Kara pushes through, “No, Alex, don’t leave. Stay here.”

In this moment. _With me_ left unsaid. It’s hard to get distracted with an armful of Kryptionan, but Kara still sees a rattled woman. So she kisses until Alex moans, touches until the panting is all that can be heard.

It the end resistance is futile. Kara keeps shifting from firm and unwavering, almost aggressive, to needy and vulnerable, begging Alex to move forward. She lures her in, and Alex finally responds just as hungry. All she can feel is Kara’s mouth and Kara’s hands on her, like she needs her, and at the end of the day Alex Danvers just wants her foster sister to need her.

They start shedding clothes, and Alex is the first now to dive straight for Kara’s neck, sucking hard at her pulse point, pulling every agonizingly hot sound she can out of Kara's mouth. Her brain hasn’t caught up yet with the fact Kara is naked under her, until her thigh makes contact with slick arousal.

She growls involuntarily, squeezing supple flesh in appreciation. One hand slides down Kara’s stomach, dipping between the apex of her legs. The closer Alex traces to where Kara is burning and exquisite and craving, the more responsive the younger woman gets, giving in little shivers. She’s coating Alex’s fingers impossibly easy, Alex’s brain short-circuiting in reaction. She’s done that— _she_ to her foster sister.

“Oh Kara…”

Her breath comes out ragged and broken, lust overtaking her. She brushes wet fingers around Kara’s labia, on her soft fuzz blond hair. An audible rush of air leaves Kara’s mouth when Alex starts pressing in tight little circles.

Kara’s left hand claims the nape of Alex’s neck, thumb on her cheek. She needs to know what she’s thinking. Alex tilts her head back, staring into Kara’s semi glassy eyes—it’s hard to maintain eye contact now. Then Kara’s lips are on hers once more and it’s mind stopping. She doesn’t recall ever being kissed like this. Like Kara craves an anchor to tie her to the moment.

With a startle, Alex realizes she’s trembling. She feels fevered, and it’s not the waning alcohol. There is just too much emotion and thoughts mixed into this. The intimacy here goes deep, their connection making things stronger, _heavy_. And she doesn’t know if it’s better or worse. Alex is more used to zero attachments.

Her musing is broken when Kara’s hand moves down, until it rests between her legs too, cupping her in a careful, careful hold. She watches Kara swallows as she squeezes gently through her panties.

“Is—is this okay?” her voice is hushed and shy.

Her pupils are blown though and they seem to spellbind Alex, trapping her on the spot. It’s strange, but she doesn't feel caged, not really. She feels sheltered with a kind of warmth that alcohol cannot really provide, ever. Rather than answering, she brings her mouth back to Kara’s jaw and neck, licking a path down to the soft skin of her breasts, tugging hard, distracting Kara from any other thought, as her hand reassumes its tantalizing movement between her legs. She scrapes her teeth, teasing until she feels a nipple harden further against her lips. Kara gasps, arches her back, eyes fluttering shut and then opened again as Alex bites her. She cries out, sensitive like she never is normally, reaching to press Alex’s head down harder to her chest, alternating between running her fingers through dark hair and yanking sharply enough to hurt.

“Alex…”

Her voice makes Alex twitch, desperate to be caressed too. But Kara is unfocused and inexperienced, and Alex is still intoxicated enough not to care that she’s shamelessly started grinding against her sister, all graceless and frantic.

Kara whimpers breathily, hips jerking forward to try to encourage Alex to just do more. A sloppy stroke past Kara’s clit is enough to make both their breaths fast and heavier. One, then two fingers slip inside Kara, full up, almost without thoughts. Following instincts only has never been so good. Alex can feel wetness follow each thrust, she can _hear_ it too. It's more erotic than should be fair, and she’s never wanted to care less before – but she tries to savor it. She goes slow, in and out, all the while watching Kara’s face, flushed and open, looking up at her in utter surrender.

 _Look what I can do_ , Alex thinks delirious. She makes Kara throw her head back, as her whole body rocks and her eyes close. She makes her shudder so beautifully, coaxing involuntary mewls out of her throat, raw, raw. It’s more than Alex can bear, doesn’t even feel the stings of Kara’s nails raking on her back. Kara clenches, and Alex’s hips buck in retaliation, stifling her own burning, and pulses her fingers inside harder.

“Fuck…”

She leans down and spreads Kara’s lips with her free hand, licking and speeding her through climax. Watching her sister reach for the rapture, hearing her own name on her lips, it steals Alex’s breath completely. Nothing has ever been more delicious, more fulfilling. Kara shakes and shakes, comes in an explosion of two languages, broken English and her native Krytonian distorting, her sobbed gasps blending into each other, stars behind her eyelids.

She lays there, spent, panting at the ceiling, as Alex gently backs off, wet fingers finding themselves into her own panties.

“Wanna see…”

Kara sounds sleepy, hoarse, but her soft eyes still shine with adoration as they gaze into Alex’s. She swallows a mouthful of air, and tugs down her sopping underwear, baring herself to her sister for a long moment. She curls around Kara’s warm body then, and skims her fingertips against herself. Her heartbeat drums wildly even with this slower pace. Kara tilts her head to the side, kisses Alex’s neck, and then sucks on an earlobe. It’s so _good_ —Alex exhales sharply through her nose, almost manages to stifle her moans, until she feels Kara’s tongue.

She moves to her opening, so slick and hot and wanting. Swearing under her breath makes Kara laugh softly, and Alex loses it, starts driving her fingers into herself frantically, rocking back – she needs to come _now_ – the pads of her digits slipping against her clenching walls.

It’s over all too quickly, but Kara keeps on suckling her lobe, intermittently biting at her throat too, still so gentle. Alex doesn’t want to move, but she feels sticky and it’s ruining the moment. She rolls on her back, eyes suddenly stinging.

Her stomach protests, and maybe it’d be nice to take a shower, but it’s too much effort. Usually Alex has more stamina than this, but the night spent drinking certainly didn’t help.

She moves to stand up, get a fresh pair of pajama, but a hand sticks out, clasping her wrist and halting all movements. “Alex…”

It’s perplexing, but Kara sounds scared of being left alone. Any word dies in Alex’s throat, can’t seem to find their way out past her dry lips.

“I’m—”

“Don’t go.”

_I won’t._

Alex is quiet, but Kara suddenly relaxes, looks like she has found salvation in Alex’s eyes, trusting and needy when sat on the bed, waiting.

“Okay.”

\--

It doesn’t make it perfect, but it settles Alex’s stomach, and she too falls asleep – spent, content.

As far as the next morning goes, it feels a bit surreal. It enters her brain like a razor, startles her awake. Sundays mean closed shutters, no light or alarm, sleeping in. The warmth from Kara’s body is familiar after years, but senses are on high alert now, though maybe slower than usual due to the pounding headache Alex feels the moment she opens her eyes. Shit. She recognizes all too well the signs of a hangover.

It’s been a while since Kara and she slept this close tangled together, mostly a thing from the past when Kara had nightmares. Alex doesn’t mind, never did, but it’s too hot now, uncomfortably so. With a groan, she rolls from bed, away from soft limbs, and nearly stumbles when she realizes she’s naked.

Oh. Right.

This— _fuck_ , it shouldn’t have _never_ happened. Flashes and memories attack her senses from everywhere, and the ache that grasps Alex’s nerves is enough to make her rush to the bathroom with no finesse, uncaring of the noises she may make. She only heaves and gags, but the sting of tears in her eyes is too real.

Taking a shower doesn’t help, even if it’s cold, just not colder than the chills in her bones. There’s a heaviness in her limbs that make them feel like lead, as Alex drags herself back to bed in a haze. Her head is reeling, too many emotions spinning to just cling to one and make sense of the chaos within.

In the bright lucidity of the morning she feels like a disaster.

She dresses in silence, happy Kara is still sleeping at least—devastated, worried, _no_ , not happy, she needs to wake up. Her pulse is quick, racing for a moment, then slowing. She knows how to crush panic and fear into a secure fist into her chest, a tiny box to reveal later. She’s trained for much graver situations.

She still curses the weekend, resolves to drive to the DEO anyway, get some paperwork done. She doesn’t get far. As she’s waiting for the coffee to brew, Kara pads quietly into the kitchen, worrying lip and nervous fingers.

Of course.

Alex doesn’t turn around, can feel herself tense defensively, has no idea how to start a greeting. She has found the melted ice cream on the floor just before. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This was her fault, it’s all her fault, but what is there to say?

Her watch on her wrist tells her it’s nearly 11.30, and despite all Alex is surprised. She hardly ever gets that much of a sleep, but… Kara tired her out. She flushes in embarrassment, anger, shame. _Desire._ That’s what gets her. She can’t feel this way, not around her sister.

_God._

She inhales deep, exhales and palms her empty mug. “Want some coffee?” She’s proud her voice doesn’t crack.

She figures Kara’s headache must be killing her, considering last night was the very first time she got drunk. And oh, drinking they did. Maybe she’s up for some juice, a pain-reliever pill too.

“I umh, I feel fine.”

At Kara’s careful tone, Alex raises one eyebrow. Indeed, the girl sounds good, if a tad shy, well rested, nothing like the parched way Alex’s throat felt upon waking. She steels herself against the inpouring of guilt, and finally turns around. And Kara looks adorable with a bedhead, but her eyes are attentive and there’s no trace of what they did the previous night on her neck.

Alex swallows around the memory of her teeth and mouth, sucking and marking. It’s all healed. Did she dream it? It felt like a dream in some ways.

She shakes her head and startles when the coffee maker shrills. She gulps the beverage still hot, focusing on the scorching on her tongue, all the while ignoring Kara’s stare. She can’t do this. Why does Kara get to be quiet?

“I’m heading to the DEO—”

“Alex,” Kara interrupts, serious, so serious, why is she so serious all of sudden. “I think we should talk.”

“ _No._ ”

Kara must read something in her face, Alex’s expression drawn and final, because she only nods once, letting her questioning go. The air between them is uncomfortable like it never was, awkward and brittle. Kara forces a smile.

“My powers are back.” As if to prove her point, she curls her hands into fists, hovering from the floor for a brief moment.

“That’s… that’s good.”

Alex’s scientific mind is aware it must have been the increase of adrenaline during sex, fast heart rate and dilating arteries, the blood flow, and flexed muscles, but her mouth is dry and she just wants to kiss Kara again. Want to feel it all over, lucid, clear-headed and in control.

One look at Kara’s gentle smile is enough to remind her she would never be in control. Together. Not in that way. She abruptly turns around, searches for her car keys. She’s never been happier to hear Kara’s ringtone.

“Oh… It’s Ms. Grant.”

Any other day, Alex would have cracked a joke, perhaps objected about calling in to work on Sundays, but now, now she doesn’t care. Maybe it’ll help them both.

\--

In the end Kara goes to work, but Alex forfeits her earlier plan, stays at home instead. She’s not sure why, but she’s inspecting her reflection in the mirror, touching her fingertips to the glass, like she’s trying to reach for what’s on the other side. Like she’s trying to see if anything now is amiss. Her counterpart looks unblemished. There’s no huge physical evidence of what she— _they_ —went through. What shouldn’t have happened. She’s glad she doesn’t have to hide unwanted proofs, but the lack of bruises is unnerving. On both their bodies. It’s just a bitter reminder that Kara was powerless. And _drunk_. Way too drunk.

_You could only fuck her because she was wasted, so out of her mind not to realize what was happening. Too dizzy to push you away._

“Fuck.”

She’s a monster. She’s a fucking disgusting monster. She presses her palms against her eyes, willing herself not to break down, desperately trying not to imagine Eliza’s reaction.

 _You wanted her so badly that you couldn’t wait to find an excuse to get her fucked up. Your own sister._

She was supposed to protect Kara, not be one of the freaks that preyed on her. Long buried memories twist in her stomach. Nothing can happen ever again, never mind that she’ll never feel that fulfilled again. Loved. Any other way. No one is Kara, and no one has ever compared, but Alex has never needed much else.

They’re family and it’s _always_ been enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed despite the angsty end!  
> First line inspired by "Detail of the Woods" by Richard Siken, he's amazing, go check out his works.
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://floorplan91.tumblr.com/), and watch me post nerdy gay things.


End file.
